my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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