I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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