At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
