I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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