i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
