I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
