you guys were way drunker than both of me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
