i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
