Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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