____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
