Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
