see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
