So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
