Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
and you fell through a lawn chair
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
