Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
