Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
