non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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