My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
