hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
