His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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