no, he came in my armpit
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
