he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
