The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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