tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
