We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
