I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
