every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
