So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
