Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
