thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
