even my farts smell like vagina
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
