he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
