Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
