so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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