Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
