I smell stomach acid.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
