have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
