I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
