and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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