You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
