Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How external is "for external use only"?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
