so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
