is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
