Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
