Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
