He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
