DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
