He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
