Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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