Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
