He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
