in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
