My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You're like the curious george of whores
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
